Lab #2 ~ 03.28.11

Posted: April 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

this night brings home to me the impact of commitment to the warm-up.  i immerse myself in each segment (stillness ~ spine ~ core ~ stretch ~ heat) completely, and the ‘aha’ i have is that the warm-up IS (for me) the ‘effort’ or the ‘work’ of the Lab – when i can dissolve myself into the warm-up, the rituals that follow are almost effortless – a receiving into the container that has been generated through the warm-up process.

it profoundly affects my perception of TIME as well – when Antero calls ‘last ritual,’ i am shocked – it feels like almost no time has passed, although if i recall the experiences of the rituals in a linear form, i ‘recognize’ that a quantity of time has moved through the space.

we work with force of habit and force of will:  i experience these as primal, evolutionary forces working through my personal life as well as the lives of humans and the life of gaia/planetary life…the whole spectrum from an individual or even cellular moment to global ancestral time

we choose a ‘foundation source’ from the four elements ~ i choose AIR as it comes, unexpectedly, to the fore of my consciousness…we work both subjecting ourselves to source/force, and serving it.  while subjecting, i experience what i would call ‘direct engagement’ – a becoming of the force and experiencing/expressing a range of qualities – breathing, whispering, wind, whistling, panting…

there is a qualitative shift when i enter ‘serving’ – the insight i receive is: ‘serving requires gnosis’ ~ i cannot serve without knowing, without a willingness to be moved wholly by the force; however, the knowing is necessary but not sufficient for service – this is where the forces of habit and will begin to dance in, bringing personal response-ability, the unique service i offer to/receive from the foundation source interacting with my unique resonances, patterns, karmas, responses.

maybe the gnosis is both ‘of the source’ and ‘of the self’ to generate true service.

working with death/the place where death happens:  i am surprised to find death a lightness, a relief/release.  carrying will and habit manifestations into the space, they become gossamer, butterflies, transient.  there is a sense of beneficence offered and received, a blessing of the work of will and habit, and a letting go of it, simultaneously.

still experiencing and increasing range of motion:  body/joints, voice/breath, emotional qualities, and willingness to perceive, receive, and be seen.

first night of lab :: memory/digested insight

entering Vertical Source:

delicious, sensual, two axes/poles very different energies – the energies we (languaging humans)

come to call:  sky/earth  ::  light/dark  ::  yang/yin

but before those names and concepts, the itself

of their absolutes and their dance – how they NEED each other – exist in essential relationship

how they ~ this relationship ~ this dance ~ NEEDS ME ~ a deep and visceral experience of being in

necessary service ~ as much as i need it

i am the medium of its expression, of its experience of itself ~ it knows itself through me ~

i be through it

it be through me

mutuality of existence

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in this lab i am aware of my female-ness in a different way than any previous lab.  how my experience is, of course, individual/unique, and also (in this life-round) female; partly because of my work reconnecting with this in myself and also i think the male/female balance of lab (5/3) and also my…hmmmmm…..embracing this, the validity of this, not trying to ‘be like’ – not using male as standard of human/what/how/should/be

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post-lab circle converses re: difference between wording ‘understanding’ and ‘experience’ ~ over the next few days i play with the language here, looking up words & tracking etymologies and inventing new ones:

empiric:  empeirikos:  experienced ~ en/in + peira/a trial

experience:  experior:  to try, to prove ~ ex/intensification + per/to pass through

understand:  literally to stand under; to comprehend fully

new forms:  empirience, empiristanding, emperiunderstandence, empunderance, empiristandunderance